Arsameia
One of the sites of the Commagene kingdom. A peaceful spot on a hillside with beautiful views. There’s a tunnel carved into the rock which is said to be 156 meters long. I walked a few meters down it into the darkness and felt as if I were being swallowed by a whale (see “Akhtamar”).
The Commagene Sun reporter: “So, King Antiochus, you’ve had a new selfie carved of you and Hercules.”
King A: “Yes, superstars always want to be seen with me on social media, and Hercules’s core values align very well with my own.”
The Sun: “Hercules’s 12 labours consisted mainly of killing and stealing.”
A: “Yeah, yeah, great guy, fantastic role model for the kids of today.”
The Sun: “He killed his wife and his own children.”
A: “Most of my own children are still alive. But I think it’s good for them to reflect on the importance of not messing me around.”
The Sun: “And that’s a very impressive inscription on the rock.”
A: “It’s in praise of me. All my heroic exploits. I didn’t want it, of course - if I have one fault it’s that I’m too modest - but my stonemasons insisted. Actually they couldn’t fit all the praise on that rock, so I’m trying to find a bigger one.”
The Sun: “Funny hat you’re wearing there, your Majesty”
A: “It’s not “funny”, it’s Persian. Best to show loyalty, at least outwardly. In fact they don’t come here much anymore, but better safe than sorry. And it does make me look taller.”
The last photo is of a 2nd Century AD sarcophagus in Kayseri archaeological museum, showing Hercules’s labours.
The Commagene Sun reporter: “So Hercules, now we see you in a new carving with King Antiochus.”
Hercules: “Yes, because the little royal liar promised me 5,000 denarii, or 6,000 if I posed naked, but he never paid. I’ve a mind to bash his head in.”
“Hercules, there are serious questions about your behaviour: so much killing and stealing in your labours, not to mention severe animal cruelty.”
“Well my teachers used to tell me: “find a job that you love . . .” But anyway, I was just following orders. Blame the bosses: Eurystheus and Hera.”
“You may recall that you also killed your own wife and children.”
“Oh that wasn’t my fault. I wasn’t in my right mind. Anyway that’s what I told the judge and he let me off with community service: that’s what the labours were.”